Faith

Could a Christian really do this? And not just any Christian, a good one. Jesus was real to this man. Christianity wasn’t a silly American game he played to get ahead. He believed every word in the Bible. He practiced those words. He told others about them. I saw this with my own eyes.

In the moments after Tiffani dropped the phone, those thoughts raced through my head, along with a few thoughts that wouldn’t fit in a blog post. This was the phone call everyone fears. “(Fill in your name), your brother, sister, spouse, child, mother, father, grandmother, grandfather is dead.”

Nothing prepares you for that moment. Nothing. Worse still was the cause of death.

Suicide.

Writing the word is hard. I deleted it three times, wanting to replace the word with another, one with less sting and stigma. I still can’t believe it.

I grew up in the Bible belt, and my fellowship squeezed the belt tight. The Bible “spoke clearly” on almost all matters of life. On the matter of suicide, the “Bible clearly said” it was sin. Even worse, suicide was the only “unrepentable” sin. Suicide meant death, like the forever kind.

For the record, I don’t believe suicide eternally separates anyone from God. Even as a teenager, I struggled with this narrow, “black and white” application of a complex issue. Years later, after bouts with depression and anxiety, I’m even more convinced. In our desperate search for certainty on all matters of faith, we’ve bound where the Bible does not.

Truth be told, the church hasn’t handled mental illnesses well. We’re getting better. But many still believe depression and anxiety are issues to overcome rather than illnesses to treat.

“Just try harder.”

“Pray for God to give you peace”

“Here are some Bible verses to help you.”

These (and other) off-hand comments are closer to abuse than counsel. They need to stop.

I wonder how many have dug themselves a deeper hole or (God forbid) their own grave believing their mental illness was a lack of faith? Some forms of depression and anxiety are circumstantial. A different perspective or change in scenery will heal these forms. I’m not talking about circumstantial stuff here. I’m talking about mental illnesses that hover over you like a tornadic thunderstorm, with clouds so thick you can’t differentiate between day and night. Christians with this type of illness aren’t lesser or inferior. They’ve likely called on God more than most, desperate for a ray of light.

People with a mental illness wouldn’t dare say something like “just try harder.” It’s like telling a cancer patient to try harder. The words aren’t just misplaced. They’re dangerous. People defeat cancer with treatment, not effort. The same is true with mental illnesses. Yes, God can heal miraculously. And I believe he does. But He doesn’t heal based on merit.

Suicide needs darkness like the kind described above. It must get you to the place where light isn’t visible. This kills your hope. It also needs to press around so tight you can’t see your hand in front of your face. This kills your perspective. It’s here, in this place, with no hope or perspective, suicide speaks its evil lies. “No one would care if you died. Your life is worthless. You will actually do everyone a favor.” Suicide is a choice, of course. But it tells you there’s no other choice. In that moment, giving up feels like joy. Waving the white flag looks like a win.

I knew my wife’s grandfather well. He played a vital role in the faith of my wife’s parents, and because God used my wife to awaken me to Jesus, I might not know Jesus today without this man. Yes, the one who took his life.

The days following his death have been hard. Death stings, but not like a bee sting in the backyard. I would choose dozens of bee stings over this pain. This sting reaches into spaces I didn’t know existed.

When death strikes, it leaves a ripple effect of pain, mourning, and loss regardless of the form it takes. But there’s something different about suicide. Maybe we acknowledge death’s inevitability. Death knocks at everyone’s door, right? Good. Bad. Rich. Poor. Young. Old.

You can’t take death to a judge. It has no judge except God. You can’t reason with death or throw it all your resources, hoping it accepts your bribe. Throw the world’s smartest brains in a room. They best they will do is postpone death’s arrival for a short time with medicines, healthier lifestyles and such.

There’s nothing to do but accept death’s inevitability. So, we do.

But you never invite death before its appointed time. You never call death, and invite it over. There’s something innately human about protecting and preserving life, especially if you follow Jesus. This is why we fight for the vulnerable and helpless. Life and human flourishing are core principles of Christianity, as basic to our faith as water and food are to humanity.

When suicide strikes, mourning, pain, and loss are still there, just like any other form of death. But rather than reflecting on “what was,” everyone asks “what if”. Suicide is so sinister because it tells its victims their lives are worthless, and it tells those left behind they’re responsible.

“If you called more, showed up more, not said that, said that, or whatever, this person would still be alive.”

To be fair, other forms of death make these claims. But not always. Many times, death is a celebration, as loved ones reflect on a life well-lived. My guess is suicide almost always brings feelings of shame and regret.

I saw this talking to my wife’s family. “Whys” and “what ifs” filled the room like confetti after a championship win. Except this wasn’t a win. For several nights, I stayed awake reliving my final few encounters with him. They were uneventful. We spoke only a few words in the final months of his life. What if I had spent more time with him? What if I told him his faith is the reason I’m following Jesus? Would this encouragement had given him hope, and maybe kept him from doing this? What if?

I’m not sure who I’m writing this article for. Maybe for myself, a form of therapy, if you will. But maybe I’m writing this for someone crippled by mental illness and suicidal thoughts. Prayer and a closer walk with God have healed many, but this isn’t your story. I struggle with anxiety. I have for years. God hasn’t miraculously healed me, but I’ve worked towards healing with renewed thought patterns and, at times, medication. If you’re crippled with darkness, you must choose life. It’s not easy, but you must. Choosing life might look like counseling or extended therapy. It might look like telling a friend or spouse about your suicidal thoughts. In my battle, I often choose to wallow in self-pity and isolation rather than ask for help. Don’t allow pride to keep you from life.

Maybe I’m writing this for loved ones of someone who committed suicide. Your fight is real as well. Maybe you made some mistakes. Maybe there’s something you could have done differently. You can (and should) learn from the past, but you can never live there. Visit a counselor if you need help processing difficult questions. If you believe Father Time will do the trick, that’s fine. But you can’t allow “why” and “what ifs” to plague your life. You can honor the person you lost by raising awareness around mental health.

Maybe I’m writing this for the church. I love the church so much. But we must do better. Mental illnesses are complex and unique. It’s time to close our mouth and open our arms. The church isn’t a repair shop that fixes the broken, but a hospital that heals the hurting.

Fortunately, our Savior comes as a doctor, not a mechanic, the Healer, not the Fixer. The church must be a place where everyone, including those with mental illnesses, is welcome. We must be the people who come alongside those struggling with suicidal thoughts.

On Sunday, May 1st, we buried him. May is, ironically, Mental Health Awareness Month.

Before concluding the funeral, the man giving the eulogy said this.

“It’s not about how you die, but how you live.”

I think he quoted a poem. Regardless, those words will always be with me. I think they’re true. And I imagine my wife’s grandfather will hear these words when he stands before God. I imagine you and I will too.

I love you all. To God be the glory forever. Amen!

Recently, I was asked to speak to college students on the topic of Jesus as the better David, the Perfect King. David is a fascinating character, the greatest king in Israel’s history, and arguably the greatest leader in the Bible. VBS stories frame David as a small boy, weak and feeble. But even before killing Goliath, David’s resume included killing a lion and a bear. Make no mistake, this “boy” was a bad dude, even before the infamous Goliath encounter.

Then you have the other side of David. You know, the part where he sees a hot woman on his balcony and has sex with her. After discovering the hot woman is pregnant, David uses his power to orchestrate the murder of her husband. Real classy, I know. Despite a string of actions that would land him 25-to-life in a modern-day justice system, the apostle Paul describes David as a ‘”man after God’s own heart.”

How could such a morally flawed man be considered a man after God’s heart? Why was God’s hand seemingly always with David, despite his moral flaws?

As I paralleled David to Jesus, something hit me. Could David’s humility, not his moral track record or astute knowledge of the law, be the reason God never leaves him? David makes mistakes, but he never loses his perspective. After winning battles, he praises God. When confronted, David falls on his knees and repents. After losing a child, David cries to God. Repeatedly in Scripture, David acknowledges he is just a man, no better than anyone else (1 Sam. 18:18-23; 1 Sam. 24:14; 1 Sam. 26:20; 2 Sam. 7:18-29; 1 Chron. 17:16-27).

Jesus, of course, is Humility. The son of God leaves heaven, not to be served, but to serve others. He never performs a miracle on himself or for himself. And the night before his death, he does the unthinkable, taking a basin of water and washing the feet of his disciples.

What if humility is the distinguishing mark of a Christian? What if the gospel needs humility to spread? What if the flourishing of cultures and countries depends on humility?

If so, what does this say about our culture? One thing’s for sure, humility isn’t a desirable virtue in today’s world.

We desperately need more of it, though. What does humility look like? How do you practice it? Here are 4 qualities of humble people.

1. You listen more than you talk. 

Our world is full of noise, a sure sign of narcissism. Everyone wants to dominate conversations and have the last word. In the rare case when we allow someone else to talk, we’re often thinking about what to say next, which isn’t listening at all.

Humble people, however, are listeners. They don’t need the last word because they’re not frantically searching for validation and acceptance. Listeners are a rare species in a narcissistic culture. When was the last time you met one? I know only a few.

How different might our world look if we listened more than we talked?

2. You celebrate the success of others. 

Humble people celebrate when others succeed. They don’t view success as a finite resource or a never ending King of the Mountain game. While King of the Mountain is fun to play with friends in the backyard, it’s a toxic way to approach life.

Yet, this is where we find ourselves. Even Christians, unfortunately, are guilty of competing for things like the largest church or the most Twitter followers. And, whether intentionally or not, this often sends the message that life’s a zero sum game. Second place is the first loser. Rather than uniting under the cross, we compete for silly awards.

Only a truly humble person, one confident in his or her worth, can celebrate the success of others. This is incredibly hard for me. I will be honest. But this is one principle of humility you can nurture. You can practice celebrating the successes of others. You can get improve at it. And, in turn, you will find more peace and joy.

Imagine how different our culture would look if we looked for ways to celebrate others rather seeing our neighbor as competition?

3. You have convictions and core values. 

The ego says no one should tell you what’s right and wrong. Whatever you think or feel is right. Don’t listen to generationally-tested principles. That’s not YOUR experience, so it must be wrong.

In a narcissistic culture, one of the first things to die is convictions. What fills the void is feeling. Groups unite around shared experiences. And, most of the time, disagreement is hatred. Because no one has ever confronted these people or asked them to change, overly sensitive groups equate differing opinions with discrimination.

The problem with our culture is not convictions. The problem is demonizing or oppressing those who think differently.

Humble people are convicted. A culture where anything goes and everyone determines his or her own thoughts about morality might be sexy and trendy. But it’s not conducive to human flourishing and healthy societies.

Humble people also realize human dignity is more valuable than personal convictions. Humility never oppresses or shames someone for thinking differently.

4. You live at or below your means. 

When ego drives the train, unhealthy consumerism and materialism are sure to follow. You develop a sense of entitlement. The ego tells you to stand out from the crowd. So you buy the popular brands, the big house, or the new car. You spend whatever, whenever. Who cares if you don’t have the resources?

The world owes you.

Humility, contentment, and modesty are good friends. You will usually find them together. Humble people don’t believe the world owes them. They give more than they take and use resources on others. They believe there are more important things than oversized closets filled with clothes they don’t wear and bank accounts fattened with money they may or may not use.

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Humility is hugely important. Without it the gospel doesn’t exist. The call here is to consider our posture and perspective. It might be that humility determines whether the church grows and our culture flourishes.

I love you all. To God be the glory forever. Amen!

What is a real man? Think about our culture’s definition. Look at the movies. Read the magazines. Listen to the music. What do you see? Muscles, money, and women. A real man is tough. He doesn’t show emotions. He handles his own business. A real man has money. Who cares if he blows it on trinkets? The point is he has it. A real man has women. You can’t be a real man and not have a girl.

But what if our culture is feeding us a lie? What if our culture is grossly misleading us when it comes to the nature of a real man? Our high schools, colleges, workplaces, and homes are filled with men that are trying to be legitimate. The problem is we are looking for legitimacy in an ever-changing culture. A culture that is predicated on promiscuity and infatuated with the almighty dollar.

The cultural picture of real men is a facade. It’s smoke and mirrors. We must wade through all the charades and cultural stigmas. It’s a lot of wading. But once we dig below the surface, something different is exposed, something divorced from the cultural non-sense. Something grounded in the Truth, not a perceived one. Something…real.

Here are 10 commandments of a real man.

1.) A real man respects everyone.

A real man doesn’t trash talk or bad mouth other people. “But Frank, what about my teacher at school? Or what about my boss at work? They deserve everything they are getting from me and others.” Right…so tell me again what you deserve for all the awful things you have done to others? See…a real man finds no value in tearing down other people. He realizes these people are not much different from him. He also realizes God is not glorified in the tearing down of others.

2.) A real man builds up those closest to him.

Growing up, I saw men, too many of them, who used outings to the bar, the golf course, or the hunting camp as opportunities to talk about their wife’s failures and downfalls, tossing in the failures of their friends for good measure. But show me a man who builds up his wife and friends…and I will show you a real man. Why? A man who honors his wife and friends can only do so because he is confident in himself.

Men, when was the last time you complimented your wife in front of others? When was the last time you made her feel important? A real man makes a habit of honoring and building up his wife and friends.

3.) A real man never leads women on.

Guys, let me be real with you. If you date girls just to have a girl or you want sex, and you have no intentions of a long-term legitimate relationship…you’re a coward. That’s direct, yes. But it’s true. It’s real. If this is you, stop it. End the relationship. A real man respects the feelings and dignity of women. He does not see women as objects to fulfill his desires. He does not date because having a girl is fun or expected. There is intentionality behind his relationships.

4.) A real man works hard, but never chases a paycheck.

Laziness is a modern-day epidemic, no doubt. But the pursuit of a paycheck is also plaguing our country. A real man is not lazy. He works hard. But a real man never allows the almighty dollar to drive his hard work. A real man works hard because he works for God. The pursuit of a paycheck is turning men from husbands and fathers into distant figures whose lives have no greater purpose than a selfish lust after a large number in a bank account. How ridiculous. A real man recognizes the cultural lies and acts accordingly.

This allows him to work hard, rest hard, play hard, be present as a father and husband, and nurture his relationship with God. Make no mistake. Pursuing a paycheck at the expense of a family (and God) isn’t the mark of a real man. It’s the mark of a wasted life.

5.) A real man never chooses hobbies over marriage or family.

I love golf. I would love to play every day. I know guys who take Atlanta Tennis Lessons and love it. There’s nothing wrong with me having a hobby. But I also have two kids and a wife. I have a full-time job. I have a blog. And there are only twenty fours in a day. Something must go to the back burner. A real man understands that “something” is not his wife and kids, his job, or his relationship with God. There are seasons of life where golf, fishing, or hunting must take a backseat.

Hobbies are just that…hobbies. Extra. A real man never chooses a hobby over family or God.

6.) A real man pursues purity.

I remember visiting Las Vegas for the first time. People there seemed to pursue sex and money like a lion who hasn’t eaten in several day. Women wearing next to nothing begged for the attention of those around. Sensuality and the objectification of women (and men) were impossible to ignore. We live in a sex-crazed world.

A real man doesn’t use this as a crutch to feed his sexual appetites. He values purity in his thoughts, conversations, and relationships.

For much of my life, I struggled to keep my mind pure. I thought lust was normal and uncontrollable. Boys will be boys, right? Wrong. Now that I am on the other side, I see that God’s intention for my life is not for my mind to be filled with lust. It’s not God’s intention for your life either. Lust is sin. A real man

Wrong.

The cultural lie (that all men lust) fed a porn addiction. Not until I went to counseling and learned that lust wasn’t normal (not in God’s eyes, at least) was I able to overcome my decade-long struggle. God’s intention for my life is not for my mind to be filled with lust. It’s not God’s intention for your life either. A real man takes the steps necessary to keep his mind and actions pure. Purity is a virtue. It is something God values. A real man pursues it.

7.) A real man is self-controlled.

If someone forces you to react, you are not in control of yourself. So, if another person’s actions force your hand…someone else is in control of you. That’s dangerous. A real man is not controlled by emotions. He is not controlled by others. Despite the lies of the world, this is true strength. Strength that comes from within. Strength that comes from God. Self-control breeds a life with less regret and more stability. A real man values self-control.

8.) A real man looks to God for his identity and worth.

A real man doesn’t look to the world for his identity, sense of worth, and strength. He draws strength from the Lord. God is the only source of lasting strength, and a real man acknowledges this reality. He then uses this strength to lead his family, run his business, and interact with his peers at school in a way that glorifies God.

If you turn elsewhere for strength, identity, and sense of worth, don’t be surprised if you find the ride exhausting and the goal unattainable. Riding cultural waves is dangerous, especially when you don’t know when the next wave is coming. Real men don’t ride waves.

9.) A real man celebrates the successes of others.

If you can’t celebrate the success of others, something is wrong. This dog eats dog cloud hanging over our culture is a lie. A real man celebrates with his friends, wife, and co-workers when something positive happens in their life. He is only able to do this because his identity is secure. A real man is confident in his own abilities and talents, so he is in a position to celebrate with others.

A real man works hard, competes hard, but is able to shake the hand of the other team if he loses. He can tell his co-workers congratulations if they get the promotion…and mean it. He can celebrate with his spouse when she excels at her job. Who cares if she makes more money or has a more important title? A real man isn’t in competition with his friends and spouse.

There is more than one seat at the table of life. Pull up a chair and let others sit down.

[tweet_box design=”default”]Life’s table has more than one seat. Pull up a seat and allow others to sit down.[/tweet_box]

10.) A real man pursues integrity.

Integrity. This word, maybe above any other, describes a real man. His relationship with God. His treatment of others. His actions and thoughts. Consistent.

A real man is honest and ethical. It doesn’t matter how big or small the decision might be. It doesn’t matter if no one is watching. It doesn’t matter if no one knows the outcome of his decision. A real man doesn’t cheat. He doesn’t cut corners. He doesn’t make unethical business decisions.

Here is why. A real man doesn’t live for others or for the cares of this world. He lives for God. You see, a man who operates one way when no one is around and another when the world is watching does so for one reason…he is more concerned with the world than God. He is too concerned with the approval of others and the cares of the world.

[tweet_box design=”default”]A real man never sacrifices honesty on the altar of approval.[/tweet_box]

A real man doesn’t sacrifice honesty on the altar of acceptability and approval. Even if honesty and integrity cost him a job, money, or a grade on a test, he won’t compromise. He is consistent. He is dedicated to the Lord.

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Let me know what you think. Join the discussion by commenting below on some qualities I have left out.

I love you all. To God be the glory forever. Amen!

I’ve never seen a sleepwalker. My wife, Tiffani, says the experience is quite terrifying. Her sister is a sleepwalker. When Tiffani describes her sister’s sleepwalking journeys, I liken her sister to a puppet who’s fastened to the strings of the subconscious, unaware she’s able to make decisions independent of them.

In other words, she’s alive but not awake.

This, ironically, sounds similar to what we see every day, men and women fastened to the strings of life, unaware they’re in control of their decisions and, ultimately, their destiny.

It’s sleepwalking of a different kind. Let’s be honest, it’s possible to be alive but not awake, to breathe with our lungs but never see with our eyes.

You might perform daily tasks like eating or drinking. You might even engage in complex tasks, like navigating rushing hour traffic. But, ultimately, you’re at the world’s mercy, enslaved to its erratic, uncontrollable turnings.

If the world falls apart so does your life. If your friends say do it, you do it. Your dreams and steps, the journey that is your life, is really nothing more than a compilation of outside influences.

Many people pat themselves on the back for this type of life. After all, it can lead to coveted degrees and prestigious titles.

But they shouldn’t.

Being alive is no accomplishment. It’s very easy, in fact, and requires no skill or effort. Every human being on earth is alive, all seven billion of them. They breathe, eat, sleep and walk. They climb ladders or scale mountains. They earn doctorates and raise families. But they’re doing so with closed eyes.

A wakeful life, however, might be the priciest thing on earth because it’s extremely rare. And much like an expensive material such as gold or diamond, you know it has value when you see it. Undoubtedly you’ve seen one, a man or woman living awake. Martin Luther King, Jr. is an example. Nelson Mandela is another. I also think about people like Abraham Lincoln and Mother Teresa. And the greatest example, Jesus.

What does this life look like? Here are 7 ways to wake up from your slumber and live awake rather than just alive.

1.) Serve the world rather than allow it to serve you.

[blockquote cite=”Mark 10:45″ type=”left”]For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” [/blockquote]

This verse is a summation of Jesus’s ministry. But it’s more, much more. It’s God’s mantra, maybe the one sentence that captures His character more than any other.

That’s big stuff, right? Of course it is. If this is God’s mantra, his framework for every decision and action, it should yours as well. God, the “giver” of life, shows you the pathway to being awake.

Those who are sleepwalking through life are takers, not givers. They’re gluttons, expecting the world to serve them, using people as a means to accomplish their selfish desires.

Those who are awake fully engage in who they are and why they’re here. They expend themselves for the sake of others. They acquire knowledge so they can educate. They acquire resources so they can equip.

If you want to wake up from your slumber, give yourself to others. Do so generously. Find a pursuit greater than yourself. Feed the homeless. Share Jesus with your neighbor. Become a missionary or financially support one. Give what you have – time, money, gifts, or whatever – and you’ll find life.

2.) Embrace reality and stop creating ways to escape it.

If you wake up, you will discover the same world as those who are asleep. Death, disease, pain, suffering, and loss will still be around. But rather than creating a means to avoid them, you will realize the transformative power of embracing them. You will overcome alcohol addiction rather than accept it, build intimacy with your spouse rather than live in the same space with him or her.

Rami Shapiro says, “The promise of wakefulness isn’t a new world, but a new you.”

When you wake up, your perspective changes, not your world.

Rather than drink alcohol, take prescription meds, or visit the local mall to numb pain or loss, you step into life, with its difficulties and struggles.

When good things become numbing agents for bad experiences you fall into the category of sleepwalkers.

No one, not even Jesus, could avoid pain and suffering. In fact, if Jesus is the model, pain and suffering are springboards to a full life, one that changes the world.

Escapism is dangerous because it says you can find a full life by removing the bad parts, and it often uses seemingly good things, like shopping or medicine, as numbing agents. We fall into addictive behaviors and away from a closer relationship with God.  We also miss an opportunity to wake up from our sleep.

3.) Pursue eternal rather than temporary things.

According to the apostle Paul, we should fix our eyes on things unseen because what we can see is temporary while the things we can’t see are eternal (2 Cor. 4:18).

Christians seem far too content with their pursuit of eternal things and discontent with their pursuit of temporary things. To put it another way, we’re we appear very okay with our current place in Christ, but never okay with our current place in life.

What if Christians pursued Jesus like they pursued a college degree, a job title, or a social media following?

When you’re focused on temporary things, you can’t see the greater things, the ones that wake you from your slumber. Love will always be something others find (like it was ever hidden?), peace will be more for hippies than followers of Jesus.

The difference between experiencing life and sleeping through it is the difference between focusing on the eternal and the temporary.

4.) Look for the miracles of God in everyday life.

[blockquote cite=”Thich Nhat Hanh” type=”left”]The miracle is not to walk on water but on the earth.[/blockquote]

There was a time in my spiritual journey when I longed to see miracles like the apostles. I mean, can you imagine. One moment, you see a few fish. The next, a few thousand. Place yourself there when Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. The dude was wrapped like a mummy. The smell of death was must have punched those closest to his tomb like a heavyweight boxer.

Man, what those miracles would mean to my faith.

Then, one night, I had a dream. I dream often, but this one was different (Never underestimate the power of dreams. In Scripture, God often communicates important messages through them). So, in this dream, I ask God to see a miracle. God says, “Okay.” Now, I’m stoked. But rather than someone walking on water or being raised from the dead, God directs me to the mirror. He then asks, “Are you breathing?” Puzzled, and slightly frustrated, I say, “Yes.” God then says, “There you go.” And he walks off, like a boss (because technically he is).

What the poo, God? That’s not a miracle. It’s just me…breathing.

Exactly.

One of the greatest spiritual practices, especially in our age, is finding the miracles among the ordinary. This requires paying attention, something that costs too much for the busy and hurried.

The trade-off, however, is much more costly. The busy rarely experience God, equating miracles to words like grandiose and extravagant. The little things like breathing, speaking, and eating are overlooked because they’re not spectacular enough for busy eyes.

When Christians say they don’t see God working, what they really mean is they have fallen asleep. God is always working, performing thousands of miracles in your life every day. It’s your job (and mine) to live with expectancy, to look for the miraculous in the ordinary. Start with the mirror.

Are you breathing? There’s miracle number one.

5.) Experience great love and great loss.

[blockquote cite=”Richard Rohr” type=”left”]It is largely great love and great suffering that create spiritual listening and larger seeing. Mere belief systems and church services do not of themselves assure such transformation.[/blockquote]

Working with teenagers and college students for five years, I’ve watched more than a few young people walk away from God. It’s gut-wrenching. You never get used to it. Just as difficult to watch are the parents, questioning themselves and, sometimes, God. When these parents approach me, they generally want to know what’s next, how they can bring their prodigal home.

I want to hand them a magical antidote, a surefire way to shift their child back to God.

But I know the reality.

Generally speaking, only great love or great suffering will bring a prodigal home.

I’m not sure why this is so, but it is. We, humans, tend to operate in cruise control until we meet love or loss. It’s when we encounter these that we’re reminded what’s important.

[tweet_box design=”default”]We ride through life in cruise control until we meet great suffering or loss.[/tweet_box]

Why do people who meet their future spouse finally decide to get their lives in order? Love.

What forces meandering or even addicted couples to change when they hold their first child? Love.

How come so many testimonies at church start with someone on the streets, in a rehab facility, or burying a family member? Suffering.

Maybe this explains why the Bible speaks of suffering as a joyful blessing and love as the greatest of all virtues. Void of them, I’m not sure it’s possible to be awake. Without love and loss, eyes wouldn’t be necessary because seeing would be impossible.

Great suffering hurts. Great love is scary. But it’s in these moments, God re-aligns your life. Don’t run from them.

6.) Make staying comfortable the greatest failure.

Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love spoke to me like few books have. One sentence, in particular, sits on my Mount Rushmore of quotes.

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”

I remember reading those words and immediately questioning my pursuits. I knew I was succeeding at things that didn’t matter. I wanted the American Dream. I wanted others to look at my house and car, my lifestyle, and think “successful.”

Although I was a “Christian,” I wasn’t that close to God. I knew the stories about Moses, Noah, and Jonah. God called people to leave their stuff. What if He called me to Africa? I couldn’t be “successful” there. What if He asked me to sell my stuff and move to the inner city? That’s not the American Dream.

I’m afraid this is attitude of many Christians in America. We attend church. We might even volunteer in children’s ministry. But we don’t really want God. We want success, stability, or comfort. To outsiders, attending church and volunteering says “I have it together.”

The only way to wake up (and not allow your last breath to be your first glimpse of the life’s fullness) is to step out of your comfort zone.

It’s possible, maybe even likely, the thing you refuse to let go is the thing keeping you sedated. The one thing you would never do, your greatest fear, is the only thing keeping you in a slumber.

Think about your life. Are you succeeding at things that don’t matter?

[tweet_box design=”default”]You shouldn’t fear failing but succeeding in things that don’t matter. -Francis Chan[/tweet_box]

7.) Focus on your motives and intentions rather than actions.

Integrity is a dying virtue. People who value intentions and motives over actions and external results are rare. They are in my little world, at least.

Maybe this is why our country is struggling, maybe even (dare I say it) declining. We’re void of men and women with high integrity, the definitive mark of a good leader.

I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because integrity takes time, the very thing we don’t have.

Maybe it’s because integrity brings us face-to-face with our intentions, forcing us to do some hard, painful work. We don’t like pain. So, rather than perform surgery to remove cancerous motives, we put on makeup or chic clothing to mask what’s underneath.

Until we purify our intentions and become brutally honest about our actual motives, we’ll never wake up to life’s fullness and beauty.

[tweet_box design=”default”]Integrity is about transforming your intentions and motives, not actions.[/tweet_box]

Those you know who are not just alive, but awake, do the work, the hard work of purifying the heart. They do this work every day, embracing Christ-centered, Spirit-led transformation as an inside-out job.

Yes, they live without shame. Yes, they’re self-controlled, overflowing with joy, humble, selfless and full of passion. But don’t think this came easily. It’s difficult, often painful, work. But it’s necessary work.

When was the last time you asked God to remove anything in you that wasn’t of Him? When was the last time you asked God to reveal impure motives or intentions?

____________

There are many more things that characterize someone who lives awake. This is where I would love to hear from you.

What’s the difference between being alive and being awake? Leave a comment below.

I love you all. To God be the glory forever. Amen!

I rarely heard the term “discipleship” growing up. Maybe it fell in the same category as the Holy Spirit and the lady whose attire was a bit promiscuous. No one knew how to address these situations, so all the elephants were placed in a room together, the room of silence.

For me, making disciples meant making converts, leading non-Christians to Jesus. In fact, evangelism was so strongly emphasized, the Great Commission became a rallying cry to baptize people, rather than disciple them. Yes, that’s right. I was taught to focus on the word “baptizing” rather than the first (and most important) phrase in the sentence, “Go into all the world and make disciples…”

But today I wonder whether my entire perspective sits on a faulty foundation? The only time Jesus uses the word “convert” is during a holy verbal beatdown of the Pharisees, scolding them for producing knowledge-filled machines, filled with pride and void of love. This is what He says.

[blockquote cite=”Matthew 23:15″ type=”left”]Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.[/blockquote]

Why such harsh words from Jesus? Maybe He knew converts stood in stark contrast to making disciples. Here are a few differences.

• Converts follow doctrines and denominations. Disciples follow the life and teachings of Jesus.
• Converts attend church. Disciples are the church.
• Converts are filled with knowledge and information. Disciples are filled with devotion and love.
• Converts do not believe Christianity comes with costs. Disciples believe Christianity costs everything.
• Converts measure growth externally using tangible variables (church attendance, good works, whether or not they flipped off the guy who pulled out in front of them). Disciples measure growth internally using variables more difficult to measure (intimacy with God and fruits of the Spirit).

Maybe this explains why Jesus didn’t convert people. He discipled them. He shared his life, teachings, and meals. Could this be the model Jesus meant his church to follow? If so, what would discipleship look like? Well, let’s start with some things Christians get wrong.

1.) Salvation doesn’t cost anything. Discipleship costs everything. 

Here’s the troublesome part of our infatuation with evangelism. It’s easy. The hard sayings from Jesus, the stuff about carrying a cross and leaving everything behind, those things don’t come into play when making converts. Salvation is free. It costs us nothing, a product solely of grace and love.

That’s easy to market.

Discipleship, however, costs everything. It’s a life modeled after Jesus. It’s a journey paved with sacrifice, radical love, and suffering. That message doesn’t sell in our culture.

Could it be that discipleship isn’t a priority in the American church because it takes too long and requires too much? Could it be that our love of numbers and attendance patterns has driven the Great Commission out of the church?

Let’s face it, we emphasize salvation because it’s tangible. How many people were baptized last year? How many people accepted Jesus today? Great, our church is growing. Discipleship, however, is difficult to measure, primarily because it’s a journey, not a destination.

Rather than challenging would-be converts to count the costs, we ask them to get baptized or raise a hand so we can count the salvations. We sell people an “easy button” Jesus, whose mantra is “have it your way.”

No wonder so many Christians abandon their faith. When we present people a watered-down gospel, we invite others to follow a watered-down Jesus. And while a watered-down Jesus might not cost us anything, He won’t sustain us through anything either.

Salvation is an invitation to join the team. Discipleship is an invitation to get on the field. Jesus is looking for players, not cheerleaders.

2.) Discipleship can’t be programmed. 

Authentic discipleship, the kind Jesus modeled, is organic. It can’t be microwaved, programmed, or thrown into a New Christians 101 class. To the extent that people around you think, act, and believe like you is the extent that your church is producing converts, not disciples.

When discipleship becomes program-focused, the result is men and women who know a lot, think alike and agree on the steps to salvation, but few who actually live like Jesus. And, although knowledge is an essential component of discipleship, when it becomes THE essential component, the result is almost always rules-based religion.

3.) Discipleship won’t work if your private life doesn’t match your public life. 

Discipleship is intentional, relational, and transparent. Yes, discipleship involves teaching. But it’s much more. It’s about you inviting (or being invited) to share your life. It means you teaching someone what Scripture says about loving his or her spouse, then inviting the person into your home to show them what it looks like. It means showing someone how to be the same Christian at 7 p.m. as they are at 7 a.m.

Call it consistency, integrity, or whatever. It’s really discipleship.

It’s about showing someone how Jesus affects every area of your life. Discipleship requires an “open door” policy. This is what Tiffani and I had with our college students. They could come over anytime, without a prior text message or phone call. We invited them into our lives. They watched us love and discipline our children. They watched Tiffani and I love one another, talk about life, and wrestle with conflict. I even had a college student “swing by” on his way to work one morning…at 7:30 a.m.

I wanted the students we discipled to know we weren’t perfect, but Jesus impacted every area of our life. As college pastors, Tiffani and I tried to model Paul’s words in 1 Cor. 11:1, “You should imitate me, as I imitate Christ.”

I was comfortable allowing people into my home because I had nothing to hide. For discipleship to work, your private life must be consistent with your public life. If I appeared like a stand-up guy in public, but went home and yelled at my kids or watched garbage on TV, I would never allow an “open door” policy. I would lock my door and hide if someone showed up unannounced.

Discipleship doesn’t require perfection. It does, however, require your life to be shaped by Jesus.

Are you the same person at home that you are at the office? Does the person your peers see in class line up with the person you see in the mirror?

4.) Being a disciple and making disciples aren’t optional.

You know that radical, “Jesus freak” life? It was intended to be the norm for anyone claiming to be Christian. Somehow, in the mirage of American flags and suburban, cookie-cutter neighborhoods, the radical cost of discipleship has been watered down to little more than church attendance and the occasional tithe. And, most statistics say Christians believe the church attendance thing is too difficult.

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “When Christ calls a man, He bids him to come and die.” Following Jesus is supposed to cost everything. It’s supposed to be radical, counter-cultural, and even counter-intuitive. Following Jesus should produce men and women willing to give their lives. Too often, and I’m certainly guilty, we hear stories of radical Christians sacrificing everything for orphans or those who don’t know Jesus. Meanwhile, we’re on the sidelines applauding their passion while silently thinking, “I hope God never calls me to do that.”

But He has.

If you’re a Christian, you’re supposed to be a disciple. The longer you follow Jesus, the more your life should look like his. And, as you become more like Jesus, you should bring others along, showing them what it looks like to imitate Jesus. This isn’t optional. It’s not for the Jesus freaks. It’s for everyone who bears the name Christian.

5.) Discipleship is intentional. 

When discussing discipleship, I often hear, “You don’t know how many people you’ve impacted and you’ll never know.” Maybe that’s fair. Our lives reveal the glory of God (at least, they should). But living in the footsteps of Jesus doesn’t mean you’re discipling others.

Discipleship is intentional. It’s deliberate time invested in a few people. This is the model of Jesus. He didn’t just travel from one city to another, alone, trusting his good deeds to be enough to accomplish his mission. He invested a large chunk of his ministry in twelve men.

I think Jesus knew something we would do well to grasp. Hit-and-miss, inconsistent exposure to Jesus isn’t sufficient to build deep roots of faith. Sunday morning worship isn’t enough. We need community. We need older, more mature Christians pouring into us. If you’re an older, more mature Christian, the next generation needs you. We need to see how your faith sustains you and how Jesus informs you.

Christianity won’t survive with occasional exposure to Jesus. It needs men and women consistently, intentionally connected to the Source.

6.) Discipleship dies in a busy culture. 

“Hey Frank, how are you doing?”

“Man, I’m just busy.”

This is a typical dialogue between myself and whoever asks me this question. Let’s face it. You’re busy. I’m busy. And while we might receive sympathy from our busy friends, I’m fairly certain we’re not receiving any from God. In America, busyness is a badge of honor, a sign of importance and meaning.

But God knows we’re running ourselves ragged and draining the lifeblood out of Christianity, discipleship.

I fear discipleship has taken a back seat because we have too many other “important” activities, like errands, social events, and kids’ after school events?

In a busy culture, and America would certainly qualify, discipleship won’t live. As Christians, we must be counter-culture. If we value the things of God, we must make room for them.

7.) Discipleship is about being, not doing. 

I love the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. In many ways, it’s my story. Of course, I’m Martha. Too often, like Martha, I’m “distracted with much serving.” I believe my greatest gift to Jesus is my service, my good deeds, my kingdom building efforts.

And to those of us who believe what we do matters more than who we are, I believe Jesus would say, “You are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.”

“Sit at my feet and listen to my teaching.”

That’s not very productive, Jesus. There’s work to do. Who’s going to plan worship for Sunday?

“Just sit at my feet.”

But, Jesus. I need to write this blog post. What about all the e-mails? I want to respond in a timely manner. My wife left me a “honey-do” list. She usually gives me candy if I complete it.

“Just sit at my feet.”

No matter how many pressing activities on the schedule, Jesus’s response is the same. Discipleship is about being, not doing. It’s about becoming, not building. I don’t doubt that you have a lot on the schedule. I know you’re doing great things for God. Praise God for all you do in His name!

But, until we realize Jesus values our presence more than our service, we’ll continue to teeter on the edge of burn-out, riding a spiritual roller coaster between “I’m on fire for God” and “I can’t do this another day.” Jesus wants you, not you plus your gifts or accomplishments.

Are you eager to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to him, or are you distracted by much serving?

_____________________

Jesus calls us to make disciples, not converts. This might mean you change your philosophy. Maybe your numbers decrease. But it’s better to have twelve followers than a thousand converts.

What do you think? What does discipleship look like to you? Leave a comment below and we’ll continue this conversation.

I love you all. To God be the glory forever. Amen!

Mistakes are inevitable. And while they may bring pain or embarrassment, mistakes also provide opportunities for growth. In fact, I would say they’re essential for growth. Mistakes teach you about yourself. They help you develop resilience and bridge the gap between idealism and reality.

While mistakes and failures carry negative stigmas, those stigmas mostly carry on through people with meaningless lives. Those living with purpose see value in mistakes. They understand mistakes can be great teachers.

In your 20s, you’re laying the framework for the next 30 or 40 years. It’s important to make a few mistakes now. Doing so prepares you for the years to come.

Here are 7 mistakes everyone should make in their 20s.

1.) Attract criticism by challenging the status quo.

[blockquote cite=”Aristotle” type=”left”]To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.[/blockquote]

I will never forget the day someone attacked my motives and character. Talk about a round house kick to the “baby makers.” I was prepping for a Biblical Hebrew class. Mentally exhausted, I closed my book and decided to check a few e-mails. That’s when I saw it. A scathing e-mail from someone I loved and respected. He attacked everything from my competency as a minister to the future of my family.

[tweet_box design=”default”]To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. -Aristotle[/tweet_box]

The fallout lasted several months, ending with me leaving for a new ministry job.

When someone attacks your character, it means you’ve challenged the status quo or you’re doing something that matters. Though this man’s words wounded my heart, I grew from them. I stepped out of the storm a stronger man, more resilient and prepared for the reality of my position. If you want to accomplish anything valuable, you will face severe criticism.

If you’re experiencing criticism now, it’s because you’re a step ahead of your peers. While many in their 20s binge-watch Netflix, you’re doing meaningful stuff.

When attacks come, they will hurt. They will wound. But you will grow. D

2.) Hit rock bottom and go to counseling.

I hit rock bottom at age 27. It was the day my wife discovered porn on my computer. And while hitting rock bottom hurt, I thank God for it. Had my wife not discovered my addiction and challenged me to see a counselor, I would still be addicted.

Rock bottom is incredibly painful, but it’s in this hard, painful space that you are liberated. There’s nothing to hide. Nothing to protect. At this point, your ego and pride are gone. Your only options are to die on the rocks or look up and start climbing.

J. K. Rowling, in a commencement speech at the University of Harvard in 2008, described her rock bottom experience.

[blockquote type=”left”]I’ve often met people who are terrified—you know, in a straitjacket of their own making—because they’d rather do anything than fail. They don’t want to try for fear of failing,” she says. “[Hitting] rock bottom wasn’t fun at all—I’m not romanticizing rock bottom—but it was liberating. What did I have to lose?[/blockquote]

Rather than give up, I decided to climb….right to a counselor. This decision saved my marriage and my life. The first day, I walked into his office depressed, dejected, and unsure about my future. Four months later, I finished counseling convinced I could beat a decade-long addiction, excited about the future of my marriage and my life.

Two and a half years later, I haven’t been to a porn site since the day my wife discovered it on my computer and my marriage is much stronger than before we decided to see a counselor.

Many of you will hit rock bottom in your 20s. Maybe rock bottom means dealing with the loss of a spouse, parent, or close friend. Maybe it means being fired from a job you love. It could mean an addiction leaves you without friends, family, or even a home. Whatever rock bottom looks like, it will hurt. But it’s here that you have an opportunity. With nothing else to lose, there’s no need to look around and it’s pointless to look down.

In this moment, you have an opportunity to look up, give everything to God, and allow Him to turn your rock bottom experience into a life-changing testimony.

3.) Doubt yourself and your faith.

At least twice in my 20s, I wrestled with a crisis of faith. These seasons were difficult, excruciatingly hard. One season involved severe depression. Another involved some combination of depression and anxiety. I would never ask for a crisis of faith. But, I wouldn’t be who I am today without them.

You see, I experienced these difficult seasons because I ventured into unknown waters. I challenged the status quo. I made a decision that required God showing up. I realized a particular ideology (or theology) was not only flawed but incorrect. And, consequently, everything I knew about God and faith came crashing down. Call it the wilderness. Call it a season of darkness. Call it whatever.

God calls it growth.

If you never doubt yourself or your faith, you’re not challenging yourself. You’re not placing yourself in uncomfortable situations. You’re not growing.

While that type of life might be easy, your legacy will be minimal and you will take your last breath with regret and “what ifs.”

Venture into the unknown. Challenge a long-held ideology. Never be content with your current understanding, and never stop learning. If you choose this route, it certainly won’t be easy. You might even venture into the wilderness. But, God only brings people into the wilderness to prepare them for the Promised Land. I hope you want to experience your Promised Land, the full life created for you.

4.) Be careless with your time and money. 

If you’ve never been accused of being naive or irresponsible with your finances or time, you’re probably not open-handed enough. We live in an incredibly close-handed culture, and I’m just talking to Christians right now. The church is as close-handed as any group on earth.

[tweet_box design=”default”]Christians have determined it’s more important to be judges than servants.[/tweet_box]

Somehow, Christians have determined it’s more important to be judges than servants. Before we give money or food to people, they must pass a standardized test equivalent of questions, as though God cares more about whether we’re enabling someone than being Jesus to them.

If you’re open-handed with your resources, close-handed Christians will accuse you of being naive, irresponsible, or careless. But allowing someone to stab you in the back seems better than never allowing someone to see Jesus.

Be vulnerable. Trust God. Our country, in general, and the church, in particular, is desperate for a new generation of Christians who will stop playing judge and start being Jesus. Model this for us. Make open-handedness your way of life.

5.) Lose contact with old friends.

Inevitably, you will face this tension. As you transition from one season to the next, staying connected with old friends will become increasingly burdensome.

While this is a painful lesson, it’s best to learn it now. As you transition to new seasons, you will lose contact with former friends in past seasons.

If you’re letting go of old friendships, but building new ones, you’re on the right track. This means you’re putting yourself out there, not afraid to be vulnerable. You’re intentional about building relationships.

More times than not, the ones who keep the same friends from elementary school through retirement are those who are content with mediocrity. They hate change, their job, the President, and deep down, their mediocre life.

So, don’t get upset if you lose contact with friends from past seasons. It might appear as though you’re losing something. You’re not. The friends you made in previous seasons played a role in getting you to this point. That’s huge. Now it’s time to put yourself out there and build new connections and relationships.

Grasping this difficult truth now will prevent you from years of regret or too much meaningless energy maintaining dead relationships.

6.) Contradict yourself.

I used to believe contradicting myself would be the worst thing in the world. Now I believe not speaking from your heart, especially when you’re convicted about an issue, is much worse. Here’s the deal. Unless you’re Jesus or sit in silence, you will contradict yourself.

This is the reality of growing and learning. It’s also the beauty of God’s grace. He doesn’t need perfect people. He just needs willing servants.

[tweet_box design=”default”]God doesn’t need perfect people. He needs willing servants.[/tweet_box]

Don’t remain silent because you’re afraid some cynic will record your words and use them against you. In life, only two types of people exist…players and fans. You’re either on the field, fighting to push back the darkness and make this world a better place. Or you’re a fan, not doing anything meaningful with your life.

You want to be on the field. So, start playing. Put yourself out there. Take a stand.

Yes, you will look back in ten years and wonder why the heck you said what you said. But, what’s your alternative? Look back in ten years and realize you said nothing?

I choose the former.

You should too.

7.) Hurt someone’s feelings.

You should get used to this now. I get it. You’re a people pleaser. I am too. But, if you want to accomplish anything, if you want to have a life, you must learn this truth.

Everyone, especially those you love, will throw expectations on you. They will take from you as much as you give. At some point, however, you must realize you can’t please everyone. You can’t make it home for all the holidays. You can’t spend four hours on the phone with a needy friend. You can’t volunteer for everything at your church.

You must learn to say no and disappoint people or become a puppet to others expectations. You can either please everyone and hate your life or hurt some people’s feelings and live your life.

[tweet_box design=”default”]You must either learn to say no or be a puppet to others’ expectations.[/tweet_box]

But you can’t do both.

I’m not giving you permission to act like a jerk-face to everyone you meet. But I am giving you permission to put your foot in the ground and take control of your life. If you learn this now, it will significantly increase your joy and peace, as well as your ability to impact the world.

____________________

These mistakes might seem like setbacks, but they’re really opportunities. And those who commit them will be more prepared to live joyfully, love recklessly, and act generously, leave an impact on the world.

So, start making a few mistakes.

What are some mistakes you made in your 20s that helped you in your 30s, 40s, and so on? If you’re in your 20s, what mistakes have you made? What have you learned from them? Leave a comment below.

I love you all. To God be the glory forever. Amen!

I enjoy writing in different settings, particularly when blogging. I’m not sure why. Maybe I love watching people. I might even enjoy eavesdropping on conversations around me.

Please stop judging me.

For this post, I chose the commons of a local Christian library. While searching for an interesting story to frame the points, God hit me with a holy face slap (which is much less painful and more productive than the slaps I’ve received from a few unnamed women).

Sitting across the commons was a guy wearing a red hat with the words “Make America great again.”

Mind you, I’m in a Christian library, not a Presidential debate. The American dream penetrates deep into the heart of Christian culture.

What is the American dream? I defer you to Jerry Reinsdorf, owner of the Chicago Bulls. While celebrating Michael Jordan’s retirement, he said this:

“The American Dream is to reach a point in your life where you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and can do everything that you do want to do.”

Make no mistake. There are few, if any, similarities between the call of Jesus and the American dream.

Could it be that our idea of following Jesus is actually a perverted American dream with some gospel sprinkled on top? Could it be that American pursuits drive us away from Jesus? Could it be that our temporary dreams prepare us for an eternal nightmare?

Here are 7 signs you love the American dream more than Jesus.

1.) If Jesus returned today, you would be disappointed.

Let’s assume a signal goes out 30 minutes before Jesus’s return, giving you time to process the past, present, and future (or lack, thereof). Would you be excited about His coming? Would you feel robbed? Would you be apathetic?

I’m being honest. While I would be beyond ecstatic if Jesus returned, I’m not exactly longing for his return. Paul says creation longs for restoration. That’s foreign to me.

My life is great. I’m doing work I love. I have an amazing family. I’m healthy. There’s really no need to return right now, Jesus. If you have some other items to knock out in heaven, go ahead with those. I’m good here for now.

Maybe you share my thoughts. But you shouldn’t.

Creation longs for restoration because it finds no comfort or satisfaction on earth. For every Frank, who enjoys a comfortable life on earth, dozens are so overcome with grief or pain, they can’t imagine another second on this planet.

Several months ago, I stared this reality in the face. While serving at a homeless food kitchen, I noticed a man overcome with anger and sadness. He was pacing back and forth, unable to eat. After watching this for several minutes, I finally asked him to go with me in another room and talk.

As a pastor, you hear incredibly sad stories. This man’s story might “take the cake.”

The night before, while staying in a home he doesn’t own, sleeping in a different room than his wife because they were arguing, someone raped her. So, here’s a homeless man, unable to provide for his family, and processing another man sexually assaulting his wife.

His pain was so strong, I felt it. Now, let’s assume Jesus approached this man and said, “Hey bro, I’m thinking about redeeming you and the rest of humanity. In 30 minutes, your pain will disappear, and your wife’s attacker will receive justice. What do you think?” You think he would respond with, “Uhh…Or you can come tomorrow. Life’s pretty good, Jesus.”?

Not hardly.

I left the food pantry that night with a sobering thought…maybe this man, homeless, hungry, and overcome with pain, is closer to Jesus than I am. Unlike me, he understands what it means to long for restoration. Brokenness isn’t something “out there.” It’s his reality. Heaven would be an upgrade for him.

Most American Christians don’t see their desperate need for God because they’re blinded by the American Dream.

If you don’t feel uneasy here, it’s probably because you’ve created a pseudo-heaven on earth. Your hope rests in a present facade rather than a future reality. And if you take up residence on earth, you give up residence in heaven.

[tweet_box design=”default”]If you take up residence on earth, you give up residence in heaven.[/tweet_box]

2.) You trust things more than people. 

I saw a bumper sticker recently that said, “The one who dies with the most toys wins.”

“Congratulations Billy, you have the most toys. C’mon down and claim your prize. Billy…Billy…Hey, Frank. Where is Billy? Oh, he’s dead. How will he receive his prize?…Who cares, let’s divvy up his toys.”

What an absurd idea that we would accumulate trinkets only to leave them for someone else?

But this is the American Dream. As your salary increases, so does your toy box. Incidentally (or maybe not), the larger your toy box, the less you rely on others and especially God.

The rich don’t need other people. But, a culture driven by wealth and prosperity must understand a very important point…

No one is independent.

Maybe you don’t need other people. Maybe you see this as a noble pursuit. People, after all, can’t be trusted (at least, this is the what the American Dreams says). But your independence from people only reveals your dependence on stuff.

“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him…” These words introduce Jesus’s first sermon in Matthew 5. They also reveal who is in the best position to receive the promises of God. Why does Jesus spend time with prostitutes, tax collectors, and lepers? They’re poor in spirit. Their toy box is small. And, consequently, they’re most eager to receive a message of hope.

No facades with the poor. No trinkets to cover up enormous voids. No costumes to mask secret sins and empty hearts. Phillip Yancey says it this way, “I do not believe the poor to be more virtuous than anyone else, but they are less likely to pretend to be virtuous.”

The poor and helpless must depend on others. They have no stuff. And, in this way, they’re more likely to receive Jesus.

3.) You believe privacy is an acceptable way of life. 

The American Dream preaches independence.

While independence isn’t inherently bad, its close friend, isolation is. Independence and isolation are travel buddies. You won’t see one without the other. I’ve watched Christians becoming increasingly disconnected from one another and culture.

I often hear, “I just don’t like entertaining guests in my home or sharing details about my life. I’m a private person.”

But, to be real, you handed in that card when you became a Christian. There’s no such thing as a private follower of Jesus. You were created by a relational God, so your joy is tied to other people and others’ joy is tied to you.

I’m an introvert. My wife thinks this is ludicrous, but I enjoy lunch by myself. I also used to be a “private” person, chalking it up to introversion. But as I saw lives changed by opening my home to others, I realized an isolated life is the product of the American Dream, not a personality type.

[tweet_box design=”default”]If someone is “private,” it really means that person doesn’t like being inconvenienced.[/tweet_box]

When people say they’re “private,” it usually means one of two things.

Number one…you don’t want to be inconvenienced. Cooking dinner for strangers is weird. Having people stay in your home cramps your style. It’s easier to do neither and tell others you’re private.

Number two…you’re hiding something. I know this from experience. I was most isolated when I struggled with addiction or my marriage was struggling. I was afraid someone might uncover my secret sin and struggling marriage, so I played the “private” card.

Whether it’s inconvenience or secret sin, the real issue with isolated Christianity is it’s not sustainable. When Christians become isolated and private with their lives, the church begins to die. A relational faith won’t thrive in a disconnected culture.

4.) You can’t distinguish between necessities and luxuries. 

Multiple times every day I say,  “Man, I need…” and complete the sentence with crap like

“…a new phone.”

“…that fresh flannel shirt.”

“…a raise.”

Maybe you do this too. If so, here’s an exercise. Count how many times you say “I need…” in a 24-hour period. While this seems like water under the bridge, it’s really more like rushing water threatening the integrity of the bridge.

For the record, “needs” are food, water, shelter, and clothing. Generally speaking, everything else is extra.

While it’s a blessing to have your needs met, if you can’t differentiate between wants and needs, many teachings of Jesus will be difficult to comprehend. For example:

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.” (Matt. 5:6)

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?” (Matthew‬ ‭6:31‬)

“Give us today the food we need.” (Matthew 6:11)

These statements might as well be written in some alien language. I’ve never experienced hunger or thirst, which puts me at a disadvantage when it comes to understanding righteousness.

“Give us today the food we need” is not only foreign, it’s irresponsible. Seriously. How would you respond if someone told you they only had only enough food, clothing, and resources for today? No extras. No stocked pantry. Only enough for today.

The American Dream would call this irresponsible. Sadly, I probably would too.

5.) The radical life of Jesus sounds more like a threat than good news. 

If you use “radical” and “Jesus freak” to describe certain Christians, you’re probably too influenced by the American Dream. Jesus asks the same thing from every follower. He asks you to die.

If you haul the American Dream into the presence of God, you can count on one thing…He will ask you to leave it at the door. Recall the rich young ruler. By all appearances, he was a sincere man. But he wanted to journey with Jesus and bring his stuff. So, when Jesus asks him to leave his stuff at the door, the young man chooses instead to walk away from Jesus.

For Christians influenced by the American Dream, every sermon is a threat to their lifestyle. They pick and choose Scripture. And when confronted with stories like the rich young ruler, they’re quick to justify. “This story is an example of exaggeration.”

[tweet_box design=”default”]You can’t serve both God and the American Dream.[/tweet_box]

You can’t serve both God and the American Dream. If you want God, you must leave your selfish pursuits and ambitions at the door, all of it.

6.) Your fears are exaggerated and unrealistic. 

I don’t get into conspiracy theories. But, if you live long enough, a conversation about some far-fetched, wildly unrealistic scenario eventually finds you.

A culture drowning in riches is also drowning in unrealistic and exaggerated fears. We have no real needs, access to unlimited information, and an unhealthy amount of free time. The result is fabricated fears.

You know who doesn’t entertain conspiracy theories? People with real needs. People whose eyes are fixed on the cross.

7.) You don’t know how to receive from others.

[blockquote cite=”Oscar Romero” type=”left”]“Only the poor, the hungry, those who need someone to come on their behalf, will have that someone…Without poverty of spirit there can be no abundance of God.”[/blockquote]

Jesus says it’s more blessed to give than receive. While this is true (I’m not one to question Jesus), I also know it’s more difficult to receive. When given a compliment, especially from a stranger, what’s your first response?

“Thank you? I appreciate it?”

Of course not. The natural inclination is to divert it.

You can tell a lot about yourself by how you respond to compliments. If someone approaches you and says, “That was a powerful sermon,”  “You look pretty today,” or “You’re a talented writer, artist, mother, etc.” how do you respond?

I meet few Christians who respond with “Thank you.” But, when I do, it tells me something about that person. They are humble. They know how to receive gifts. They aren’t power hungry or control freaks.

Receiving a gift (without repaying or refusing it) requires humility. You’re indebted to the giver. You allow another person to have power and control. And this is why most Americans are awful receivers. The American Dream is built on independence and self-sufficiency. Freedom means you’re indebted to no one.

We’d much rather be givers. We love helping the poor, especially at Christmas, while our greatest fear is being poor at Christmas. We love buying gifts for family, but opening gifts from others is more awkward than a middle school relationship.

We’re better givers than receivers because we’re prideful and arrogant, not generous.

But here’s the real issue. Until we approach God with a posture of humility and total dependence, we won’t receive his gifts.

Rich, self-sufficient people can’t fathom the gift of grace. They might accept the gift. But they turn around and work to repay it, nullifying the gift.

God’s promises can only be received. They can’t be earned. We say grace is a gift, but it’s incomplete without works. God says grace is the work. We say salvation is a gift, but you must follow certain steps and maintain a level of morality. God says the only step to salvation is approaching Him with empty hands.

Until we see ourselves as poor, needy, and completely dependent on God, we won’t receive His gifts.

__________________

The American Dream isn’t God’s dream. The life Jesus modeled stands in stark contrast to the values of America, in particular, and the world, in general. We are poor and helpless. To see Jesus, we must accept this. Americans hold no special claim over God.

The door to Jesus is open to anyone…just leave your stuff outside.

I love you all. To God be the glory forever. Amen!