Church hopping. It’s like Jesus hopscotch. With a Buick or Cadillac instead of Nikes or Reeboks. And everyone seems to be playing. Christians jump around from church to church. Hop from one trend to another.
And there are certainly valid reasons to leave a church. But there are many more terrible reasons. Being a minister, I see this firsthand. Especially in the south. Churches are a dime a dozen here. And you can have almost any flavor your heart desires. Like Baskin Robbins…on steroids. Without the sprinkles.
So, while I acknowledge the inevitability of church hopping in this culture, I want to push back against this trend. Church hopping is not something God wants or desires from His people. At least not church hopping as it exists in America.
It is the product of an over-abundance of churches mixed with a lack of desire and commitment among God’s people.
Without further adieu, here are 7 really dumb reasons to leave a church.
1.) The church is too big.
Blogger Aaron Loy talks about this idea here. But I have been in conversations with people who cited this as a reason they left a church. Lying below the surface is usually some lack of authenticity or transparency within the particular church. Or the excuse that no one goes below the surface. While these can exist in large churches, I believe they are both false stigmas.
And here is why I really struggle with this excuse. Is growth not something to be celebrated in churches? Something is wrong if we do not believe numerical growth is an important metric. The reason Christians exist is to make disciples. Inherent in our mission is numerical growth.
On some level, if churches aren’t growing, the Great Commission is not being emphasized. I praise God for the way He has used men and women to draw many people to Himself.
So, don’t be judgmental or cynical towards mega-churches because they have reached people with the gospel. Find a way to go deeper. Find a way to plug in. Those opportunities are present. Find them.
2.) The church focuses too much on materialism and excellence.
Unfortunately, many Christians have come to believe excellence and extravagance are synonymous. Also unfortunate is the belief that churches who spend money are too focused on materialism and worldliness.
Excellence is something every church should pursue. Passionately. And while excellence does require money, excellence is not extravagance. And many churches who spend money on being excellent also spend large amounts of money giving back to the Kingdom. A church with a nice campus is not necessarily a church that stewards God’s money poorly. Be careful about drawing these conclusions.
The church should be the most creative, excellent, well-run institution on the face of the earth. And if your leaders strive for excellence, do not view their pursuit of excellence as standing in the way of the gospel. Praise God for leaders who want to be excellent!
Take a look at the world around you. The intricateness of the human body. The splendor of the night sky. The beauty of the mountains. The vastness of the ocean. The God we serve is the definition of excellence!
Don’t leave a church because leaders place an emphasis on doing everything really well. They are following God’s lead.
3.) I am offended.
“Welcome to the church. My name is Frank.”
The church is full of broken people. And many Christians wake up looking to be offended. It is their default posture. It is crippling to spiritual growth. It is also crippling to the health of the church.
Do me a favor. Search through the Bible. Find me a command to leave a church when another brother offends you. Start with 1 Corinthians. Tons of conflict there. Now stop looking…the command is not there.
So, when you do get offended, you have two options:
1.) You can leave the church, which does nothing to promote spiritual growth and Christlikeness.
2.) You can work through the conflict, making you a stronger Christian and likely drawing you and the individual closer as well.
You make the choice. But leaving a church because one sinner said something mean to another sinner is a bad reflection of the gospel.
If Jesus left us every time we offended him or mocked His name, Jesus would have two dudes left: the Father and the Holy Spirit. So, walk in step with the gospel by pushing through conflict and not running from it.
4.) I attend churches that appeal to my style and where I am in life.
One of the sad realities of the church today is the “buffet style” mentality of many Christians. There are so many churches that people are literally going through each church and handpicking the parts they like. If they find something that doesn’t meet their needs, they are gone. Or they just hop between 20 churches.
The church is not your personal genie. You do not get to rub the sides of the church walls and ask the church to give you what you want. “Good sermon…but not too long. Lots of lights. Some smoke. And I want an inviting place for my children. You give me all of those…I am in. Otherwise, on to the next church. Take it or leave it.”
The church exists for the name of Jesus to be glorified. The church exists for the edification of the people of God. The church exists as the vehicle to make the gospel known to the world. The church does not exist to meet your needs. Start getting plugged in. And don’t use the church as your personal genie.
5.) It is time for a change.
[pullquote cite=”Mark Batterson” type=”left”]If you plant yourself in one place and let your roots grow deep, there is no limit to what God can do.[/pullquote] “Frank, I’ve been at the same church 20 years. It’s just time for a change.”
Think about your statement. Now I have a question for you…Is your statement a product of your flesh or the spirit of God? Hint: answer B is probably not right.
I understand being at the same church for decades has the potential to become monotonous. But this is not a reason to leave. Do not allow the sinfulness of your flesh to override the holiness of the Spirit.
If you believe you must change churches every two decades, you will struggle with marriage. And heaven? The eternity of heaven will be awful.
6.) I do not need the church anymore.
Alright…here’s the deal. You’re deceived. Yes, the church has imperfections. Yes, the church could always do more. But being frustrated with the lack of vision or the lack of perfection is not grounds to leave the church.
You do need the church. Despite the cultural lie, you can’t persevere through this life on your own. Satan is a roaring lion waiting to devour you (1 Peter 5:8).
Want to know how lions attack? They single out their prey. When animals stay with the group, the chances they are picked apart diminish significantly. The same is true with the church. The more community is present, the harder it will be for Satan to destroy your life.
Don’t let Satan lie to you. Don’t let the world deceive you. You need the church.
7.) A church down the road is really growing.
There is a tendency in our culture to chase the “next big thing.” But here’s the problem. The “next big thing” comes and comes. One week, this church is the “cool” place to be. The next week that church steals the “cool” label. If you run from church to church seeking the next “big thing” you will never plant roots deep enough to have an impact on your community. You will also never be known well enough to expose sin in your own heart.
Don’t run from church to church because it’s the cool thing to do. Find the community of people where you believe God has called you to plant and grow.
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Are there some other bad reasons to leave a church? If you have a comment or a question, leave it below. I look forward to your thoughts on this subject.
I love you all! To God be the glory forever! Amen!
94 comments
I agree for the most part with all of these points except number four. I understand what you where trying to say but the fact of the matter is your spiritual needs should be met by the church. If they are not met then you and your family will more than likely not grow and gather strength from others there.
No. In a general sense, yes, the church is responsible for supplying spiritual teaching, guidance, etc…but there comes a point where each Christian is responsible for their own spiritual growth. Each time I have heard this excuse given by a church member, it’s been by people who aren’t serving, reading their Bible daily or active in any other facet of the church. This is a product of consumerism and it has no place in the church.
God meets needs. Not the church. He can use the church, but it’s not the church that does it. Our job is to serve, not expect to be served. We are to give without expecting something in return. Saying the church isn’t meeting your needs shows you think your needs are more important than others’. It’s an attitude thing.
Tisha, thanks for the comment. On some level, I do understand what you are saying. My point is that the ultimate goal of the church is not to meet our needs. We must not have a default posture that leads to consumerism. Many Christians also have a mindset that says, “The church is responsible for my spiritual growth of myself and my family.” This is not healthy for the church or the individual. I see your point though. Thanks again for your thoughts!
Tisha, having disagreed with your point in the past (with the same reasoning as the other responses) but now having gone through it, you’re right. We were at a church where we served heavily in a particularly ministry, but the Bible was not being preached. The pastor would read a verse and then teach oh his same old familiar thoughts that had NOTHING to do with the passage and was completely out of context. He didn’t preach on sin anymore. He didn’t preach on Bible reading and prayer anymore. It became about being profound and pleasing people.
There is a level of responsibility that each person has to read the Bible and pray, but the Bible says it to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, why? To exhort one another as we see the day approaching. Colossians 3:16 says we are to teach and admonish one another. The church isn’t all about serving the community, but ALSO teaching and disciplining the saints.
Too often, this really is just an excuse, but sometimes, there really is validity behind it.
The Holy Spirit is your teacher. It should not matter what the preacher is saying, if you are reading your Bible and yielding to the Holy Spirit you should know what the preacher is going to say, in most cases, before he says it.
There is not one bit of scripture, that I am have found, that says that the church is supposed to meet the needs of the congregation. In fact, the church is supposed to meet the needs of the community.
The shepherd’s job is to lead the sheep to the pasture. The sheep then feed themselves. Sometimes I think we act like the Pastor’s job is to literally spoon feed their flock. The scripture commands “me” to “daily” meditate in the Word. To me it sounds like Christians should be feeding themselves. I know one thing for sure, when I stand before God in the end I will be held responsible for my own self. My pastor or my church won’t be there answering to God for my actions. I thank God for my church, but I don’t believe that they are supposed to meet my spiritual needs. I can’t find that in scripture anywhere. Just my two cents.
Hmm, another American pastor writing to American Christians about an American phenomenon: Leaving the church, or “church hopping”. Now read it again through the filter of the church in China (which has one of the highest conversion rates in the world). None of it is relevant, because Chinese believers can’t go to church because there is no local congregation because it’s illegal to have one. Your point #7: “You need the church.” Really? But somehow the Chinese believers thrive without it. I think you write from inside an American religious bubble.
Americans are leaving the church in droves, and not to go to another church across town; they are leaving for good, because they can no longer think of a good reason to go. The seven familiar reasons you cite above are not compelling any longer. Sorry to burst your bubble (and I probably won’t), but you and church folks everywhere need to…
Get real.
I fail to see your point. Why should anyone read this through the lens of the Chinese church? He isn’t writing to the Chinese church. Of course it wouldn’t be relevant to them. If the title of the article was “7 Really Dumb Reasons to Leave the Church in China” I would see your point…
Hmm, another case of misplaced social justice.
Rob, I can’t pretend to understand the culture in China. I can only speak to the culture in America where I minister. I know God is working in China in a mighty way, as well as other foreign countries. The American church could learn much from the church in other countries. Please pray for God to awaken our hearts! Thanks for the comment!
Where is faith growing in China? Through house CHURCHES. Fellowship in the Body is essential, Rob. And the Brothers and Sisters in China are coming TOGETHER. They are the church. Where do you get your information about the church in China, anyway, Rob?
We ought to please God rather than men. Did our Lord Jesus Christ not say, Love one another, as I have loved you? And John also said, he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God, whom he hath not seen? And how can we love one another if we are not present with one another? And how can we exhort one another to good works if we are absent in the body? For we being many member are one body.
I am absolutely on par with Rob. What I think he is trying to say is that Christians can thrive outside the *American Model* of church. Obviously the sanctuary is just a building and we the people are the church, but the world we live in is ever changing and I think the church needs to change with it. Not theologically, but how we interact with each other and the world.
I see your point that Christians can be Christians without the church, but why prevent yourself from growing further with God. Let’s say John and Matt are both christians but John decides the church isn’t for him. He leaves but continues to build his spiritual life through scripture, prayer, and devotion. Matt does the same but remains in the church. Who is going to grow quicker and more thoroughly? John is a good Christian but he isn’t utilizing one of the great facets of learning and community God gives us. No church is perfect and the church needs God. Trust God and follow him and you can make any church work.
Additionally, the church in China is growing, I’ll give you that. However, they aren’t seclusionary. The church isn’t a building, it’s a part of the nexus of the Kingdom. We remain in community no matter if the building exists or not. The building, however, houses the worship of God’s children. So, no we don’t need the building, but when God gives us one to utilize it would be an offense to Him to not use it.
I say this with the love Christ gives me hoping to help others who follow Him.
What is really Dumb is that most people believe you have to belong to a certain congregation, attend certain service in certain building and that a church functions mostly with funds. Church is in everyone of us, church is everywhere, in your heart, in the streets, at home, even in your closets. You don’t have to belong to a certain group to be in church. You don’t have to count tithes and offerings in currency. What it is about is giving part of something that you value (time, skills, etc.) A church does not compete, it works as one with everyone and everything. It does not have a quota, it simply care and serve. It does not tell you what to wear, say or do, it simply says give LOVE.
What is really dumb is that most people believe you have to belong to a certain congregation, attend certain service in certain building and that a church functions mostly with funds. Church is in everyone of us, church is everywhere, in your heart, in the streets, at home, even in your closets. You don’t have to belong to a certain group to be in church. You don’t have to count tithes and offerings in currency. What it is about is giving part of something that you value (time, skills, etc.) A church does not compete, it works as one with everyone and everything. It does not have a quota, it simply care and serve. It does not tell you what to wear, say or do, it simply says give LOVE.
Ben, while I do not believe the church is a building, I do believe there is much value in planting with one group of people. It promotes transparency and authenticity, as well as other Godly qualities. I do agree Christians should expand their understanding of stewardship. It involves money, time, resources, etc. I also agree the church should never compete. This is very toxic. Thanks again for the comment!
I would say there can be exceptions to #6. I do believe there are rare instances when things absolutely cannot be resolved between people and it’s healthier for one or some to part ways. It doesn’t mean they hate each other or that Satan won. It is also appropriate for people to join another body if they offer a certain ministry that their current congregation does not offer and either has no plans to or simply cannot do. (Youth, singles, young marrieds, college, etc.) To say it’s absolutely bad to leave a congregation makes is sound like you are either offended or unhappy you are losing people. The question is, why are they actually leaving and is it something your church can do differently?
If someone thinks a change is needed, why not make a suggestion to the church leadership?
If it’s a good idea, the leadership should be able to advise to the person how to make it happen.
If it’s a bad idea, the leadership should be able to explain why, whether it is because execution would be a bigger undertaking than staffing and/or finances allow, or because it goes against Scripture.
People should be encouraged to help build God’s kingdom. Refusing a ministry just to stroke an ego is not the way to make it happen, and leads to making #6 sound plausible.
In my experience you are spot on with 1-5 and 7. THEORETICALLY there could be valid exceptions to all of those rules. In practice, though, I have heard people use those excuses and in every case I could clearly see how the problem was the person, not the church. In most cases that theory was reinforced by the fact that the next church usually has the same issue or one of the other issues. As far as #6 is concerned, I have had a different experience. Because of being an Air Force brat, a member of a traveling gospel group and an Army wife I have been a part of many different congregations. Even when my life was settled I have found on two occasions that it was just “time to move on”. We got to the point where our contribution there was finished and we were not able to move forward in the insights that God was showing us because it didn’t gibe with the denominational handbook. (No kidding) What helped with that was ending up in a “non-denominational” church. We have been serving and fellowshipping there for 11 years.
The larger issue is that many Christians are not developing their relationship with Christ as their number one goal. All relationships flow from the primary relationship between us and our Creator and Savior. Divorce, domesict violence, suicide, most and all of the issues you listed in your article, are because we do not work out your salvation in fear and trembling. When we have weak or no real relationships with people or groups of people, it’s because our relationship with Christ is weak.
Rodney, thanks for your comment. The lack of depth and passion in our relationship with God is an enormous problem among Christians today. We are pursuing the created and not the Creator. Seems ridiculous, but it is absolutely true. If we could flip that around, many of the problems you named would not be prevalent in our culture. Blessings!
Thank you for posting this article! There are great points to consider here. I wonder, though, when people say they are leaving a church because it is too big, are they saying they dislike the fact that there are so many people there, or are they saying that they are feeling more like a number, and less like an individual. Sometimes, it is difficult to connect in a large church where “small group hopping” is just as upsetting to closeness as church hopping is. Undistracted communication gets lost in a setting with a large number of people, or where people up and swap small groups on a whim. Smaller churches tend to be more personal, and I think a huge part of edification is closeness, and acceptance. I’ve attend mega churches, and churches with only 30 people. I would say, without fail, the smaller churches were more close knit, and there was more accountability. It’s a matter of preference, but for some people, size is a great reason to leave a church. Some people need closer knit groups for edification. What church one attends is not arbitrary. It matters. The pastor is not the only one who can evangelize. We should all be doing that. The church is for the edification of the believers. It is where we are shepherded, and equipped. If your not being shepherded, edified, and equipped, then you are not where God wants you to be. “Service” together (church service, and community service) is a great start, but there is more to it.
Kristen, I certainly understand your point here. Speaking in generalizations is dangerous, and that was not my approach with this post. I believe there are situations where a church does not allow (or expect) people to get plugged in. There are situations where the church is too shallow or has veered away from the gospel as central. There are also situations where small groups and churches do this. I just believe, in my experience, most people use the mega-church statement as an excuse to leave a church. Only the individual can know when his or her heart is not in the right place. Thanks for the comment!
Let’s put it this way, “You should be able to serve along side anyone, but not just anyone will be able to serve you.”
There seems to be a juxtaposition between #4 and #6. Now this could certainly be a difference between my experience and yours, but if the church does have a need to fulfill (#6) and fails to meet said need, then it would be difficult to argue that #4 is “really dumb”.
Additionally, there seems to be an edification role that the worship assembly plays as well. I know of people who were very active in the church but who found the worship assembly much more spiritually draining than edifying. This could certainly be a matter of perspective, but to assume that EVERYONE who says, “the church is not meeting my needs” is simply wanting the church to be their “genie” is a bit naïve. Sometimes, it IS just an excuse to leave, but sometimes it IS the fault of the church leadership.
Sorry, I meant #7 instead of #6. Hopefully that makes more sense now. My bad.
Inherit in our mission is numerical growth.
I think that should be “inherent”.
I don’t agree with number 5. I know the main reason we go to Church is to gather together and worship with a fellowship of believers. The pastor that gives the sermon is usually someone that the Church votes on because they like him/his sermons, or they don’t. If you are not getting fed,don’t agree, or just don’t like the pastor’s sermons and you are not getting anything out of them, why would it be wrong to leave and find a church where you would get more out of another pastors sermons? This reason is really dumb to me. I mean, if you don’t like what someone says, and you don’t agree with them, whoever they may be, you aren’t gonna want to sit for an hour and listen to them, and if you do, you won’t pay attention! Come on,,,, get real here! Nothing would be wrong for leaving a church for this reason. It wouldn’t be personal, it would just be because you don’t see eye to eye on spiritual issues, don’t mean you don’t like the guy as a person! I love my pastor and his sermons, so I don’t have this problem, but I did at our previous church. I liked the man and his family , but he just couldn’t preach! Didn’t have what it took I guess. I was not gettin fed at all, so I made the decision to leave and it was the best ever. I love my church now. Still friends with my previous pastor, but glad I left.
As the assistant to a Worship and Music Pastor, I would add this one: “I don’t like the music”. We get so many complaints about music styles, etc. And it’s not just from the traditional crowd either (though that’s the first ones people like to blame)…one Sunday we threw a contemporary version of an old hymn into our contemporary service, and we heard all kinds of complaints about it. What we need to remember is this: the music is not for us. The music is one vehicle with which we can worship God. If the music has to be in perfect line with your musical tastes in order for you to worship, the problem is with your heart, not the music itself. Scripture tells us to praise Him with songs, hymns, and spiritual songs…in other words, a variety of music. It doesn’t matter whether we’re singing an old hymn like “In the Garden” or a new Chris Tomlin song like “Whom Shall I Fear”–it all serves the same purpose: to glorify God, usher us into His presence, and prepare our hearts to receive the message. I’m not saying people can’t have their favorites (I definitely have my favorites!), but musical style should not be a barrier to worship. Our worship pastor throws an occasional contemporary song into our traditional service and vice versa. He really loves using some of Chris Tomlin’s stuff where he adds a contemporary verse into a traditional hymn (“Amazing Grace/My Chains are Gone”). He also likes to pair old and new music with the same theme; for example: “How Great Thou Art” paired with “How Great is Our God”. This is one of my favorites because it shows that though the musical genre might have changed, the MESSAGE and the GOD we serve have NOT changed.
Marie, you have just struck a nerve with many. The contemporary-traditional worship issue has pushed many people from one church to another. I see the trend away from “older” songs as very unfortunate. I am not sure why the church feels like it is either/or. Why can’t the more traditional hymns be interwoven with the more contemporary ones? Your point is very well taken. Moving churches because you don’t like the music or worship is not a good reason to move. Blessings!
This is a good point. Our church recently called a new worship minister. His preference is contemporary, the majority of members prefer the old hymns. He sees the value of all kinds of worship methods and is mixing the services with some of each. He is also encouraging soloists to present their own favorites! We are excited about the positive feedback already! The whole purpose is to worship God! I am sure that He will accept our efforts no matter what style is used.
What do one do when your children for a year have been telling you that they just can’t understand what the preacher is preaching about? They tell me that he not preaching on their level to understand it. I been trying to get them to give it time. But, they haven’t yet. I am afraid they are losing interest and may spiritually too. The are teens. I like it their , but I want my children to love going to church and hopefully become a Christian too. I think if I stay their , they will not grow or want to go to church when they get on their own SOON. Comments welcome.
Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Study the scripture. If I don’t understand what is being said I use a dictionary. Teach your children; that will have the greatest impact.
Does your church offer a youth group in Sunday or Wednesday? If they do, that is where they can get connected and normally the youth pastor teaches and reaches the teens.
One thing I have always been taught, is that whether you are a teenager or adult, if you are not understanding Gods word, the first thing to check is your salvation. God writes His Word to the saved man. And not being saved creates a sort of blind between you and Him. It would be like trying to read a Hebrew written book. If you don’t know the language, you won’t understand it. Even if the Hebrew man who wrote it stood up, to read it to you, you still wouldn’t understand it. Please understand I am not saying that your teens couldn’t possibly be saved if they are having this issue…just that maybe you should talk to them about this. It could be that they are just having some doubts and need to be addressed. And at the age you are saying they are they should be able to sit in a preaching service and get something out of it. Let me encourage you to talk to them about this. If they are open enough with you to tell you they aren’t getting anything out of it, they should be able to talk to you about their salvation! I hope that is helpful to you.
Annie, you bring up an important point. The point in my post was not meant to serve as a blanket statement, but a pushback against pervasive Christian thinking. Maybe a different church would be best. I can’t answer that. You must spend time in prayer. Discern what you believe God is leading you and your family to do. Thanks for the comment!
Excellence does not require money. We do not look at the things which are temporal, but at the things which are eternal. For he said add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge.
You are exactly right. Being excellent is more a mindset than a financial status or situation. Excellence can happen in every church, regardless the size. This is one important point I wanted to make in the post. Equating excellence with extravagance is wrong. Excellence can require money, but it isn’t dependeny upon that. Thanks for the comment!
I disagree with #4…we left the church we met at & married at when are children were small, because there were no programs for children – if you don’t keep children interested & learning at a church – you loose them. We made a move and 20 years later, we are at the same church where our children were nurtured and cared for by pastors, music staff, teachers and congregational members.
Jane, while your comment is well taken, it speaks to an important point. Programs and events are good, but the responsibility of raising your children spiritually ultimately falls on you. Children’s ministry is an extremely important supplement to the spiritual foundation in the home. But things go bad when Christians look to the church to do what God has called parents to do. I must be reminded of this as well. Thanks for your comment! Blessings!
As Christians we are never alone. To say that I am alone in the world if I do not attend worship services is a faulty statement because Jesus is always with me. Besides that, another faulty assumption is that I am even without human companionship if I do not attend worship services – what about my friends and my family who are believers?
The entire concept of clergy is Old Testament doctrine. The entire institution of “church” (this is a misnomer, worship services are not “church”) is a reproduction of Jewish temple worship with a special religious class of priests that we Protestants call “Pastors” (pastors exist but most clergy is no more called to the true role of pastor than my big toe). Jesus came to abolish all of this religiosity and establish a relationship with his called out ones (the ekklesia, the true church, not a bunch of disparate worship services.) But we humans turn right around and abandon that, and we return to the Old Testament (at least the parts we like), making clergy our head instead of Jesus, calling for the tithe, worshiping the Bible, mistaking “church” for God.
Nope, not going to do it. I’m following Jesus and experiencing fellowship as he leads me to it. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall not want. Since leaving religious institutions almost 10 years ago, my faith has grown exponentially. We are all on a journey and I have nothing against those whose journey is leading them through worship services and clergy and traditional “church”. But until you have experienced what I have experienced, you can’t and shouldn’t judge my journey with the Lord Jesus.
Tina, I appreciate the perspective you bring here. The “professionalization” of ministry has hindered the overall spiritual growth of the church in America on some levels. Maybe on many levels. It also creates celebrity pastors and gives platforms to people who love money and fame more than Jesus. The church is the called out people of God and it is much more than a worship service.
I believe, however, there is Biblical precedent for the institution of the church. Paul talks about elders and deacons and their roles within the church (Titus 2). Paul also gives Timothy pastoral advice as a young man pastoring a local church in 1 and 2 Timothy. There are many other examples that I don’t have room to expound upon.
I agree with your point on some levels, but I also do not believe God wants or expects his people to live outside of a community of God’s people. What that looks like for you and me can be different, but community is vital.
Thanks again for your comment. I pray God’s discernment on you and me as we strive to live for Him everyday.
Can you write an article on when its time to leave a church?
Rob, I have thought about doing this. It would probably be helpful. I do know that the reasons to leave a church would not stack up to the reasons to stay.
I have to disagree with you on point #4. If the church is not meeting the needs of my child then I will move on because as that child grows and is bored and becomes unrelated to a particular church than my child will not continue there and plant roots; so for me to seek a church that does meet his needs is important. If that means leaving and searching than I shall do that.
Johanna, your comment is very similar to the one Jane Kelly made. You can view my response to her. Thanks for your comment though. Blessings!
So where us the essay explaing the the OK reasons to leave a church.
I wonder how many of those that stay actually go and find those that leave and ask them the really tough questions. I wonder if these reasons are from the point of view of one that has assumed reasons, or have asked for the reasons. I know in my personal experience after serving in a ministry as an assit pastor well over 20 years that not one single person, the pastor included asked why I left. It has been 3 yrs, and I haven’t received as much as a phone call from anyone in leadership. Mind you I was at the beginning of the ministry day one…..Sure I may be a bit biased in my opinion but I don’t think, or have experienced anyone inside the church EVER reaching out to those that leave to see why…….You just might be surprised….Everyone that leaves doesn’t just leave to leave……
You’re exactly right William. And your situation is unfortunate. People should never fall through the cracks like you did when leaving. I understand there are valid reasons to leave a church. People must use wisdom and prayer to determine when this is the case. Blessings!
Our Pastor said some people in our church left because the AC was too cold, he wasnt political enough and we couldnt cater to someones needs as they wished. I love my Pastor, the church and the people in it. WE ALL SIN!!! Even the Pastor. NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!! My husband introduced me to this church over 6 years ago and we are NOT leaving unless God calls us elsewhere.
Thanks Rebecca!
Throughout this article you infer that people are “dumb” and “ridiculous” for leaving their church for the reasons you list above. I think a better approach for your post would have gone something like this….
Title: Are you a church hopper?
1. How to get more involved in your big church.
2. Don’t mistake a big building for materialism.
3. How to resolve conflict biblically.
4. Meeting your spiritual needs through service.
5. In every sermon there is an opportunity to grow and learn.
6. Keeping your church spiritually fresh.
7. Don’t forget why God created the church.
As a minister and leader of a body of christ, you must realize how dangerous broad generalizations can be. Was this post designed to make accusations or help believers?
Daniel, I understand broad generalizations are dangerous. I made this point in a previous comment. My goal is to push back against a cultural attitude among Christians that says you can leave a church as soon as something doesn’t go your way. Writing a short blog post always has the potential to appear over-generalized. I do like the way you worded your points above. Thanks for your comment. Blessings!
Frank, thank you for your response. I like the goal of your blog. My only goal was to have you rethink your approach. Have a great day.
Thank you for taking the time to put together this list. First, we can all agree that church hopping is an overall negative. We can also agree that pretty much any list you or I could put together could be nit picked to death by exceptions folks have experienced, I’ll try not to do that. That being said, I would strongly disagree with lack of vision being insufficient reason to leave a church. Proverbs 29:18 says ” Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”. I believe lack of vision, and the people perishing because of it, makes for an excellent, biblical reason for leaving.
Also, I’d like to know how you came upon the Batterson quote. Thank you again for your work!
TJ, I do not remember lack of vision being mentioned above. A lack of vision is a strikingly true reality for most churches. It is a product of complacency and fear, neither are from the Lord. Whether or not it is a reason to leave a church is a prayerful matter. Maybe instead of leaving, you could help cast the vision in whatever church you find yourself. Be part of the change. Maybe it takes time, but it is something to consider. Thanks for your comment. The Batterson quote came from his book, The Circle Maker. I highly recommend the book.
When our former church became so big we began to have services at a performing arts center. During the time of planning we had a meeting where the pastor told us that he knew they would lose a number of people due to the change. He wasn’t concerned about it and just said there were a lot of other good churches in the area where people who didn’t like the change could go.
Yes, it was great that the church was growing although the growth was primarily from other churches that had splits or closed all together. This brought a great influx of individuals in a short period of time.
The parking lot was so large that elderly people would have difficulty finding their cars. Also, when leaving the auditorium if you happened to drop something, which happened to me, I was unable to stop and pick it up. The crowd just continued to push forward.
We left the church that we’d been attending for 23 years. And, yes we are now attending a smaller church.
There are many things to consider before concluding that a person is wrong to leave a church.
I’ve read the comments section, so I am aware that you are not saying ALL reasons for leaving the church are bad. This kind of article is bound to stir up controversy, so I appreciate your grace-filled answers. Good bless you and your ministry!
KT, thank you for your comment!
To make a blanket statement that anyof these reasons (with the exception of #6) is DUMB is DUMB. You don’t know everyone’s situation. To tell someone who is walking through this that they are being dumb isn’t nice. Don’t shame people into staying in their church. If someone wants to change a church, so be it. Why do they have to explain? It is their walk not yours.
By the way, with the exception of the last weak point of not needing the church (are you talking about THAT church or THE church as a whole? If you are talking about the church as a whole then that’s not a church hopping issue it’s), where is your Scripture to back up what you are saying?
I’m sorry, but there are some very specious conclusions and arguments being made here. The first one is defining the difference between “A” church and “THE” church. The Bible says nothing about moving between church communities or the right or wrong reasons for doing so. While on the surface some of these points are mostly valid, this entire article could be summed up by saying; look at yourself as a problem before looking elsewhere and most importantly pray about such decisions. On the other hand, this article also seems written with a lot of self-interest, from a pastor who takes congregants leaving as a personal offense.
The church is the body of Christ where believers come together in fellowship.
I
disagree with this opinion piece. I don’t think there are any dumb
reasons to leave a church. If a person isn’t having needs met (and this
can also mean finding their niche to serve), then it is time to move
on. I joined my current church only because my mom was a member, and
she enjoyed when I went with her. I personally don’t care for this
church for a variety of reasons, and now that Mom has moved 300 miles
away, I will never go back. The author of this piece is a pastor. In my
years attending churches, I’ve noticed that pastors have this habit of
dissing people who church hop. There is a reason pastors make fun of
church hoppers. They don’t want to lose their congregation, so they
shame folks into staying. Which is worse, me trying out different
churches until I find the one that fits, or him shaming people into
staying at a church where they are miserable, aren’t growing, and can’t
find a place to serve? My opinion is that maybe Frank Powell ought to
take the plank out of his own eye before he looks at the sawdust in
mine.
Thank you for your comment. While I acknowledge some pastors try to shame people into doing this, this is not my intention here. These points come from my own personal experience of struggling in my life, not necessarily from observations I have seen. I also believe many, many pastors do not carry the mindset you describe above. Please pray for me that if I do have any of this present in my heart, God will convict me and I will have the humility to change. Blessings!
Ado. Not adieu. That’s an eggcorn…confused similar sounding word.
much ado about nothing 🙂
I agree with Tim Russell that there are exceptions. I get that the church is about glorifying God and not about serving my needs. However, the church is also supposed to care for widows and orphans. My son’s father committed suicide when he was 15 and he was having an extremely difficult time with his grief: rebelling, blaming God, grades plummeting, and acting out in school and church. The youth pastor and another man came to my house to talk to me about his behavior and told me that they would not allow him to go on a retreat with the rest of the youth. Before the same trip, the youth minister’s son was caught lying on a pew in the back of the church, making out with a girl, yet this kid was allowed to go because “daddy” was the youth minister. We received minimal support of any kind. Although many church members knew what had happened, no one seemed to have the time or the compassion to reach out to us. That all changed when the church started a new building campaign. Once that kicked off, I received at least 2-3 phone calls a week from people from the church wanting to come to my house and present the “vision” for the purpose of getting me to pledge thousands of dollars toward the campaign. I spoke to the senior pastor about it, and while he was apologetic, nothing ever changed. The wealthy and/or connected members of the church were treated preferentially, and single parents such as myself were left to fend for ourselves. I really tried to get past it, but even after months of earnest prayer, I had no peace. If that makes me a weak or “dumb” Christian for leaving, so be it.
I know situations like yours exist. And I am sorry these happen. I think we must all (myself included) resist the urge to draw conclusions about the church based on isolated situations. I believe this situation would be different in most churches, and it would certainly have been handled different in the church where I have pastored. Thanks for the comment. Blessings!
Sadly, spoken like a true clergy.
I don’t believe I need “the church”. I need the Body of Christ, the fellowship with other believers. If that comes through a “church” setting, great. If it comes through a Bible study, a Christian business owners connection, a home-school group, a mom/tot group, a ministry – whatever package it comes in, that is what I need. But “the church” is not the only means for Christian fellowship.
Thanks for the comment. While I understand the church is not the only means for Christian fellowship, Christian fellowship is also not the sole purpose of the church. Fellowship is one layer, but many other layers exist as well. Blessings!
I’m totally being funny here when I say that no proofreading of bulletins/blogs might force me to leave!! I find mistakes all the time in bulletins and I ask my pastor to let me proofread so we don’t look like dummies at our church and sometimes he does and sometimes he forgets!! Lol. Kind of like how I was the grammar police while reading this article. Inevitably needs to become inevitability and “lion’s” does not need an apostrophe. It’s just plural!!
Thanks for pointing those errors out to me. Blessings!
I’m not sure I agree about the mega-church. It can be impersonal and easy to be just another face among among the thousands attending. When the early church became too large for the twelve to handle personally they blessed others with leadership (presbyters) and divided the church into smaller units (the origin of the episcopacy). Later still they appointed helpers (deacons). The emphasis has always been on the priest/pastor being able to individually minister to the needs of the individual as well as preach to the assembled group.
Jondo, this is the reason most mega-churches have small groups with leaders. In this way, the model you describe is present. Thanks for the comment. Blessings!
I have to say how ironic it is that all the comments about the 7 dumb reasons for leaving a church have been really dumb. This is my first time on this site and I really enjoyed reading the 7 reasons because it wasn’t about the reason to leave but what should be the reason to stay. As JFK said in his speech “it isn’t what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country!” Change country to church and that is the message that needs to be heard. Yes some people country hop thinking they will find the perfect place to live but it doesn’t exist just like the perfect church doesn’t exist. We are not perfect. Sometimes it is hard to love our neighbor as ourself but we can do unto others as we would have them do unto us.
Janice, thanks for your comment! Blessings!
Actually, these are all equally good reasons to leave a “church”. The problem here is you can’t leave the church if you are truly a Christian because you are the church. Driving miles and miles past several church buildings to get to the one you like best is not biblical. In the early church people met with the other Christians who lived close by. These all sound like a plea to grow the church industry and keep members from abdicating. Most “churches” do not give to the community they spend hundreds, thousands, and in some cases millions of dollars yearly supporting a building complex and salaries for staff to serve the “church”. Check out the budgets….in most cases less than 10% of the “church” budget goes to the needy. Jesus Christ lived an example for his followers and it was to serve the needy not run a feel good club for fellow believers.
Terri, churches should give more to the needy. And Christians should not drive past 20 churches to get to the one they “like.” Salaries for pastors and ministers are necessary. Paul talks about this in 1 Cor. 9. How to spend the money given to the church is an issue that requires much wisdom and discernment. Thanks for the comment! Blessings!
I appreciate where you’re coming from, but there are exceptions to all of these “dumb reasons.” Numbers 1 and 2 especially, I have a problem with. I’m not sure where in the South you are, but in Dallas especially, mega-churches and materialism seem to go hand-in-hand.
Yes, there are large churches who have grown to huge numbers without sacrificing the “ways to get plugged in” and the “strive for excellence.” Unfortunately, far greater numbers (in my experience, at least) are distracted by the rapid growth and sudden influx of tithe funds. They see a complete remodel of their church as a higher priority than paying their staff members a livable wage. They see growth for the sake of growth as more important than taking the time to get to know their congregation, and helping new members find a place to plug in.
Yes, someone who’s been with the church through the growth process has a weaker excuse for leaving because of these two reasons, but for anyone relatively new, these are huge obstacles to making a genuine connection within the church community and to finding the Lord through the crowd.
This also speaks to #4. It’s one thing to expect the church to meet every single need and to leave any church that falls short, but a church does have a responsibility to provide for the basic needs of their congregation. Community is most important here. If a member has made a genuine effort to plug into the church and just isn’t finding fellowship (either from a lack of reciprocation in the other members or a resistance from the church itself), something’s wrong.
It’s equally wrong to make an individual feel ashamed for leaving a church where they just don’t feel the Lord’s presence, or for “church hopping” in an effort to seek out where the Lord wants them.
I know where you were coming from with this blog post, but it read as more shaming and putting down church goers (or leavers) than it did an encouragement to find roots in a church, give back to their church community and seek God where they are. If I was told by a minister my reason for wanting to leave my current church, or leaving my last church was “dumb”, I wouldn’t think twice about hopping to a new church.
Megan, your points are well-taken. The nature of a blog post is there is not sufficient space to give exceptions to every rule. I believe blanket statements are dangerous, and this is not what I intended this post to be. There are churches who value extravagance and waste a lot of money, there are people who need to leave a church because the church is crippling to their faith. These situations exist. I want to push back against a mindset present in our cultural. One that doesn’t value longevity and consistency. I think Christians could learn much about God from these two values. Thanks for the comment! Blessings!
Am I allowed to post a link to another perspective on this issue? When is it Okay to Leave a Church? http://blessingpoint.org/2013/09/when-is-it-okay-to-leave-a-church/
With the exception of #7, all of those are very valid reasons. In fact, you never need a “reason” to go to another church. See, my relationship with God prevents me from attachment to religion. Go to a different church every Sunday and learn that God can be found in any of them.
Here is a Hint for the author of this post and anyone reading it: Stop looking for God in a building and start looking for Him inside your heart. Once you realize that the ONLY religion that is pleasing to God is to care for widows and orphans, and to guard your mind against the influences of the world, you will be happier and much more able to walk freely in the Kingdom of God.
Jason, I agree that God is not in a building but the Spirit is present in the people of God. And there is much power in the people of God gathering together to do life and worship God. Community is so important for all Christians. So I do understand your point, but I believe it is not in step with God’s plan for our lives to go through this life without a community of believers walking with us. Blessings!
All the church feeds its followers is the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. It’s all about righteousness and sin, heaven and hell, Jesus and Satan, angels and demons…good and evil. God specifically told us all not to eat from this tree, but it’s all Christian pastors like this guy knows. God gave you a new knowledge and wisdom. Nothing can separate you. God is not the spirit of fear and doesn’t know fear. You have nothing to worry about. Anything is possible.
Just look at #7. This pastor is literally trying to use fear to get you in church. He’s trying to scare you into believing you can’t live without his guidance and mediation or the church community. You are the church. You have the presence of God breathing inside of you. God destroyed the Temple several times so you would see that he hates this sort of thing. If this pastor really knew Jesus, he would run from such nonsense, however, his fruit surely shows. You can prophecy in my name, you can cast out demons, and you can do all kinds of good things, but I never knew you.
Dathan, I would never use fear to keep people anywhere. I am a college pastor at a church of hundreds where elders are appointed to lead. I don’t have much power to manipulate people into staying anywhere. I am simply trying to push back against a cultural mindset. I hope you will read again and see this. Blessings!
Frank, thanks for taking the time to reply out of the
thousands of comments. I honestly do respect you. I know you truly don’t
believe you’re using fear to persuade people to go to church. I didn’t either,
but the truth is you are. Just hear me out. Let’s look at #7 for example.
You said:
“Alright…here’s the deal. You’re deceived…You do need
the church. Despite the cultural lie, you can’t persevere through this life on
your own. Satan is a roaring lion waiting to devour you (1 Peter 5:8). Want to
know how lions attack? They single out their prey. When animals stay with the
group, the chances they are picked apart diminish significantly. The same is
true with the church. The more community is present, the harder it will be for
Satan to destroy your life. Don’t let Satan lie to you. Don’t let the world
deceive you. You need the church.”
So you’re saying that if I remove myself from the church,
then Satan is going to single me out and destroy me. The more I stay with the
pack (church), the less chance I have of being deceived and picked
apart. This is indeed fear at its finest. It can’t be anything else. Who taught
you this? It wasn’t Jesus. Jesus would never say anything like this. What is Jesus saying to you? Honestly, this fear is what you’re used to hearing from leaders
before you and you’re just adopting an age old thinking that’s been passed down
for generations. However, it’s a lie. Nothing can separate you from the
Father’s love. Not hell, demons, angels, or Satan. Nothing. Nothing can
separate you from Love. Nothing can destroy you. Do you really believe what God is saying here? In fact, God has not given you a spirit of fear, but power, love and sound mind. If God has not given you fear, then where does it come from? You have placed yourself in charge of countless college students and this is the fruit you’re feeding
them and others. This is not the fruit from the tree of life. This is fruit of
good and evil. The wisdom that lead Adam and Eve to believe that they were
somehow inferior, weak, or that something was wrong with them (naked). However,
God’s given you a way to escape this thinking. He’s given you a new
wisdom. He’s given you life, life more abundantly, life overwhelming, life
everlasting. God told you to eat from this tree. He told you to put away
childish things like the war of good and evil and awaken to a new knowledge. The
fruit of good and evil appears to be the right thing. It appears to be good for
you, but once you start living your life according to it, it kills you. It manipulates
you to thinking that good and evil are at war with each other, but they’re not.
The war has been won. Jesus won a long time ago on the cross. The only true fruit that
brings life is Jesus. Eat Jesus. Eat his body and drink his blood. Consume him. Consume this fruit. Let this communion remind you that there is nothing that can pull you from God’s hands. That you are perfect, forgiven, and made in God’s image. You
are all powerful because of the Spirit inside you. The disciples didn’t even
understand what Jesus meant when he said eat me, but you do. Let this message
penetrate and transform your thinking and life. Begin to see what God has done.
Begin to know that you can do anything without anyone around you. You are
freaking son of God. You have the Spirit of the living God breathing inside you. You have the same Spirit that raised him from the dead, inside you. And no one can change that.
It was so hard for me to separate myself from church. It was engrained in me
and I literally believed I couldn’t live my life without that community and “protection.”
However, I learned the truth and started believing Jesus. I learned who I was and what I was capable of. I learned who my real protector was. I want you to believe this too. When you actually start believing what God says about you, then your whole life flips upside down. Now, look at me. I’m teaching people about what God says about them and they’re starting to finally remove the cloak of fear from their lives. They’re
leaving the church and truly changing lives in ways no church could. I know you
understand what I’m saying and I know the Spirit is screaming in your bones
that this is true. Now, it’s up to you. It’s up to you to believe Jesus; to believe God’s Words and help others receive this gift of life. Let this fruit be the words that
come out of your mouth (fingertips). Teach God’s people who they really are.
There is nothing to fear! Change your students lives and change the world.
I find it amusing that when a “pastor” leaves one church for a new church it is always God’s calling but when one of us regular people leave it must be a “dumb” decision.
John, I am not condemning a person leaving a church, I am trying to push back against a mindset present in our culture. I struggle with it myself. But I just believe so many people hop around and never get plugged in to a local community of people. I hope to challenge some people who are struggling with this attitude. If God calls us to leave a church, we must be obedient to that. I am really not referring to leaving a church as much as I am referring to a mindset that refuses to plug in and be known. Blessings!
Try out this and you will se what is really the church. http://www.thelastreformation.com
Lisen the pioneer school read your bible and act on the word of God. God bless everyone.
Watch “The Last Reformation .com – This Is Church” on YouTube
The Last Reformation .com – This Is Church: http://youtu.be/MwQxudu8vLU
No offense Frank…but all of these are perfectly fine reasons to leave a church. Most churches I’ve been in recently run themselves like a business. The pastor is the CEO with the elders being the board. The parishioners are the customers. Why can’t the customers jump around and try out other businesses?
Another point…Why do pastors feel the need to be the ones saying why people shouldn’t leave the church. There’s a lot of room for your motivation to change from loving people to that of getting people’s butt’s in the seats. Who cares where people go to church?
Thank you very much for your blog.
I enjoyed reading this article.
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